Lazy Blogging and a Fire Pit

fire pit!

I have been a very bad blogger. Not only have I not posted in general but I seem to have failed at Friday Favorites and Music Monday this past week. What is wrong with me?

And I have things to report – we’ve made new recipes at home worth writing up. I even made olive oil cake  - look how pretty it turned out:

SO pretty but…alas…

Pretty of course until it totally fell. Yup, caved in in the middle. It was an issue with baking soda or powder or something. It was still VERY tasty but sadly regardless of how good it looked when this photo was taken, it was fucking with me. And now I have to make it again to redeem myself. It will NOT beat me.

So there’s that, but for whatever reason I seem to be losing blogging motivation. So instead I’m gonna get back into gear here with a little update on the minutiae and perhaps that will kick the blogging muscle back into full gear.

We got our fire pit and in case anyone was wondering – this is what a happy zen man looks like when he there he not only has a backyard in Brooklyn but a fire pit in which to build a fire:

LOVE IT

Sadly it’s been quite cold and snowy so there have been very few nights like the above but there will be more – many many more. There may even be a roasting of a pig on there (a small pig…but still – yummmmmm).

In other news in this past week we’ve tackled a few new recipes – Parisian chicken (why is it Parisian – I HAVE NO IDEA), homemade meatballs, and blackberry muffins. Blackberry muffins were a bit of a disaster but the meatballs and chicken were excellent and will  be documented here later. We also made official plans to go to my cousin’s wedding in May so there will be a long beautiful weekend at Niagara on the Lake coming up and then my sister and brother in law are coming to visit in August the same time a very, very dear friend from France is coming. It is going to be a FULL house and I am beyond excited.

So all good things. There are of course negative things in the mix, stressful things, and general NYC woes but let’s not get into those. Let’s attempt to remain positive and focus on the bigger picture – I have a backyard in Brooklyn where I can build a fire. Everything else will be okay.

A New Year, A New Beginning, and of course, More Blogging

Happy place

Words cannot convey how happy I am to welcome the start of 2013. As you may have read on this little blog, 2012 pretty much kicked my ass. To be fair, good things came from it – I got an amazing new job which I am grateful for every day, I started cooking (a shock to myself and all who know me), my little shih tzu Rocky came back home and joined our little zoo in Brooklyn, and although it was via fairly traumatic circumstances I got a kick ass 2 bedroom garden apartment in Brooklyn Heights that has now spoiled me for life.

The worst part of 2012 was separating from my husband in August and the trauma that followed for the next five months. But I’m happy to report that the New Year is the start of a new beginning for us and he is back home and we are on a solid road of reconciliation. There’s a lot of work to be done but we’re recommitted to making it work and I couldn’t be happier about it. When we said for better or worse we meant it, and now that we’ve been through the worst it’s time to aim for the best – so 2013 best be listening! It’s time for a year of good and positive changes. No negative people or energy wanted or allowed.

In regards to resolutions, I would say mine are more goal oriented than resolution by definition, and fairly simple all things considered. Here they are:

1. To keep writing for My French Life and look into more writing opportunities about France, travel, etc. I really am happiest when I’m writing about France, cultural relations with America, travel, and what not, so if I can continue to do that and do it more, I think only good things can come from it.

2.  To recommit to the relationships in my life. Obviously this applies to my marriage but also some very dear friendships that I have not given enough attention to. Distance is a difficult thing but it’s no excuse to not check in with people beyond liking their status on Facebook. I need to make more of an effort to call people and catch up. More importantly I need to make more of an effort to see the people who live here in New York that I somehow never see. There’s really no excuse, and I need to recommit to being a better friend here and with those far away. For those nearby, the goal is to make my huge apartment a place to convene for drinks, dinner, general hanging out and random parties. We finally have a big enough apartment to have people over, so let the socializing and dinner parties begin. No more hermit bull shit. The time is now.

3. To keep cooking! My amazing sister and brother in law got me Jacques Pepin’s Essential cookbook (SO EXCITED) for Christmas and Erik got me a great cookbook as well so it seems I have plenty of new things to try. I just have to stay motivated! Which I’m very confident I can do – I just need to keep trying new things so I don’t get bored. Also buy new kitchen tools. Shiny new toys always help.

4. To get healthy – blah blah blah. Same old same old goal every year. But this year, it’s time to combine forces. Healthy cooking which I have already mastered (yay!) and working out regularly. I never seem to be able to make these two things happen at the same time. I’m either working out non stop and eating with no limits (for shame) or I’m eating super healthy and avoiding the gym. Viscous and completely useless cycle. It’s time to refocus in this area and get back into tip top shape. I’ve always been a girl who loves my curves in all their glory – but the fitter the better – so time to get some muscle tone back.

5.  To start gardening – now that I’m cooking, and I have a backyard, it only makes sense to start planting some herbs. And learning a new skill is always good. First on my list – basil. My favorite herb EVER. Sadly this will have to wait until Spring so I’m hoping I don’t lose my motivation…

6. To start biking and hiking. Part of my problem with hitting the gym is that it bores me to fucking tears. I hate it. I loathe it. I would rather be doing ANYTHING else. But I do love being active in general, especially if it involves being outside and, more importantly, away from the city. So my goal is to get a bike and start venturing past my comfort zone and eventually venturing past my gym to the point where I’m getting enough exercise with outside activity that I simply don’t have to go to the gym anymore. FOR REAL. I’d also like to start hiking. Upstate New York is so gorgeous, and a simple train ride away, for a nice day’s hike in the woods. This goal will definitely be the hardest in terms of getting off my lazy ass and making it happen but hopefully I can stay focused and get this ball rolling after the winter weather wears off.

7. To manage and get out of credit card debt – this is NOT happening in the span of a year (ha! wouldn’t that be nice?) but little steps can make a big difference. We’ve already consolidated a good chunk of our debt and with a little financial planning we should be able to make a big difference in the next few years. I’m hoping by this time next year to feel a lot less weighed down by all the bills.

8. To read more – seriously – I gotta get down with library town. Ever since I finished my masters I have avoided all things resembling literature. It’s quite pathetic and quite frankly, inexcusable. Amazon is gonna see some serious book purchases from me soon. Please feel free to send any recommendations!

So there you have it. A pretty solid list of realistic goals I should be able to achieve with a little will power and the love and support of my amazing friends and family. I’m not quite sure how I would have gotten through this year without all of my loved ones near and far. There really are no words to do justice to how grateful I am.

And then of course there’s this little blog, which hopefully will remain interesting. There will be recipes so I stay on the cooking track and hopefully – eventually – there will be traveling again. I’m going to commit to getting back to my lyrics of the day because I love them, and perhaps I can come up with some other weekly/daily blog rituals that will keep things interesting around here.

Thanks for sticking with me! Here’s to a wonderful and memorable 2013!

And I’m Back…For Now at Least

I am finally back in NYC after a much needed trip home to see my Mom and my amazing friends in California. More posts to come with actual details, but here’s a small summary of the past week or so – the first one my friends is a fucking doozy…

1. In which my life is like a fucking movie – I got arrested at the airport on my way to California for a “weapon” in my bag, that was of course not mine. It belonged to my husband, and was in my bag from the move, and I just didn’t see it before I started packing (I KNOW – lesson fucking learned). Obviously, this is a long story…the short of it. I got arrested and I now have a court date to prove I’m just an innocent little girl and very much NOT a terrorist.  I wish I was kidding, but this is in fact my life right now. Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more stressed out…fun times.

2. After my traumatic travel experience I went straight to wine country in California and thanks to my Mom and amazing friends managed to have a fabulous time. There was brunch, farmer’s markets, a harvest party, wine tastings, and a wedding. Couldn’t have asked for a better welcome home.

3. The wine country festivities and my entire trip back to California with my amazing Mom was so emotionally restorative that I think I might be moving back there soon. No firm plans yet, but NYC is no longer on an indefinite timeline. Quality of life is better in California and it’s time to go home. There’s also free rent in California (God bless my Mom) which would be extremely helpful right now. But if you know of free rent in France, I could also be persuaded to live there instead…just sayin’.

4. After much time reflecting about my life while in California, I now want to get a PhD…I KNOW. I thought I was done with school too. But I had a lot of time in CA thinking about what makes me happy and the reality is studying culture makes me happy. Specifically studying French vs. American culture, and even more specifically food culture. So if I can build a career where it is literally my job to discuss and write about French and American food and chef cultures, I’m all over it. Now I just need to develop the topic and get someone to let me into their program. Time shall tell…

5. Speaking of chefs and French food, my Mom taught me how to make my dad’s classic French mustard chicken from his old school recipe. I’m going to try it by myself this week…here’s hoping I can carry on the family tradition.

6. I am officially looking for a roommate. If I can’t find a sane person I am actually willing to live with I’m just going to move home now. If I can find a roommate, I’ll be in NYC until August when my lease is up. Once my lease is up, California is calling my name – officially.

7. All this being said, who knows what will happen in the next year and I am open to anything. But I’m a planner. So those are my plans, subject to change if the universe intervenes…or if I get arrested again.

More detailed posts later with pics from sunny California!

Baking and Backyard Beautification – A Weekend in Brooklyn

This weekend was a tough one. I could be all flowery and positive on this blog and pretend I’m strong all the time and kicking this break up’s ass, but it’s not true. And when my sister came to visit this weekend to offer moral support, it became even less true. Because, let’s be honest, there’s something about being around your family, where your walls just crumble to the ground and you know you can be vulnerable, so you are. And it’s a great thing, but it’s also really really hard, because all that stuff you’re trying to push down and more importantly push past walks up and smacks you right in the face.

So emotionally this weekend was really hard, but on all other levels it was great. Great to see my sister and more importantly great to have some real quality time together, something we really haven’t had since her job has taken her abroad for the past three years.

And in an effort to make the most of my time with her, we decided to take on the kitchen together and bake a cake. While I’ve been somewhat brave taking on the kitchen and making meals, I’ve been very wary of baking. I think my first real attempt at “cooking” was baking back in God knows what year and it was something stupidly easy, like baking brownies from a box and I somehow managed to screw it up. And I do believe that scarred me for life and contributed to me avoiding the kitchen for YEARS. But my sister, the real cook in the family, is also a great little baker, so I thought I’d rip the baking band aid off with her there so it would be less painful and maybe I could learn a thing or two.

So what did we decide to make? A pineapple upside down cake. The last time my sister made one was probably the last time I ate one so it a baking project and nostalgia all wrapped into one. We took the recipe from my Williams Sonoma cookbook and spent our Saturday afternoon in the kitchen.

the ingredients – already enough to make me overwhelmed.

pineapples ready to go in the pan on top of the brown sugar butter yumminess on bottom

the whipping ingredients into submission. Apparently there are fancy tools that can do this for you. Something to consider if I start baking more often.

putting the cake batter on top, ready for the oven

Ta da!! We didn’t burn it! And it actually looks good enough to eat.

Everything up until this point went swimmingly but then we misjudged the flipping of the cake onto a plate and kinda broke it. But it still looked good to me!

kinda broken….but look how pretty!

Despite it being a bit broken it was DELICIOUS. Props to my sister for her baking skills and making it always look so easy. Now it’s my turn to try it on my own. I really want to master the tarte tatin (French apple pie) and I think I can do it…but I might try making a banana nut bread first. For some reason that feels less intimidating. We’ll see. Either way, this weekend, I am going to bake something new and force myself right out of my fear.

So yay us, and yay me for again trying to break out of my comfort zone and take on new kitchen challenges.

Another notable event this weekend – the arrival of my tables and chairs for outside. I finally found a really good sale for patio furniture and while it’s nothing fancy and not the most comfortable, it does the job and fits the space I’m working with. Voici my new backyard tables and chairs (two bistro tables pushed together):

Who wants to come over??

Isn’t it nice? Now I just need to figure out the lighting. I got some cute little lights from Pottery Barn with birthday money but I’m not sure if they’ll work. It all depends on what I can pull off with outlets…I might not have any to work with…we’ll see. If anything, a girl can do a lot with candles and mason jars so that’s also in the works. I’m having some girlfriends over on Wednesday night so I’ll have to have something ready by then. Until then, it’s cocktails at dusk:

Enjoying life as best I can…

So that was my weekend – crying, baking, sister bonding, and backyard decorating. Making the best with what I’ve got to work with, trying to keep it all together.

A Breakup, A Birthday, and a Cookbook

And I’m back.

The basic update is this – Erik and I split up. And I had to move in to the new apartment anyway as the smaller apartment we were in was already rented to a new tenant. I am now in a gorgeous garden apartment I can’t afford on my own and am looking for a roommate, while dealing with the reality of no longer being with the person I thought I’d be with forever. Needless to say its been an incredibly stressful and emotionally tumultuous few weeks and will likely continue that way for quite some time. I’m doing my best to stay positive and move forward but some days are worse than others.

So there you have it.

In the midst of all this I also had my birthday this Saturday in which my lovely friends treated me to dinner and lots of wine at Chateau Cherbuliez and kept my day from becoming one in which I emotionally spiraled down and out of control.  It was a good reminder that as sad as this reality is, relationships come and go, and friends – the good ones who always have your back – really are forever. I don’t know how I would have gotten through these initial first few weeks without their love and support.

So I am now 31, looking for a roommate, learning how to cook, and trying not to go crazy in the midst of this very big transition in one of the toughest cities in the world. I do love New York, but it is not an easy place to be alone or to start over.

But let’s focus on the positive shall we? Thankfully, my motivation to start cooking started before the split, and now it’s becoming suprisingly cathartic. In an effort to keep motivated and make new things I took some birthday money given to me by a dear family friend and bought myself my first cookbook. It’s the Williams Sonoma Cookbook and it has a lot of standard recipes that weren’t too intimidating for yours truly and a few more challenging ones I hope to be able to take on in time. In an effort to stay on the cooking track and keep focused on all things not breakup related, I chose recipes for each night this week and did the bulk of my grocery shopping on Sunday so I have what I need in the house. Tonight’s dish will be whole wheat penne with broccoli rabe, ricotta, and turkey sausage and last night’s dinner was cappellini pasta with shrimp and spinach. Very basic and really easy which is just what I need to keep me cooking. Right now pasta and fish are the usual suspects but in the coming weeks I’m hoping to branch out into rice, chicken, and perhaps even red meat…we’ll see how I do.

But last night’s simple recipe turned out quite lovely and I’m finding that this cooking thing is a great way to enjoy my massive kitchen (by NYC standards). This is how big my kitchen is:

HUGE kitchen, clean and ready to be used

Not too shabby huh? Also, you can see why I need a roommate. The apartment is BIG and therefore not cheap enough for one person like myself.

Here are some pics from last night’s dinner where I managed to have two things going on the stove at once (!) and the end result was pretty darn tasty – and healthy!

basic ingredients – not much to mess up thankfully

Two things cooking at once! This is a very big deal for me…I know, but I’m still a newbie so it’s exciting.

The finished product – shrimp cappelini with spinach. Ta da!

It seems that blogging about my kitchen adventures is keeping me active in doing it so be prepared for more photos. If I am absolutely in love with anything I make I will most certainly post the recipe here. For now, everything has been quite delightful, but I’m not sure anything is so stellar it deserves to be reprinted here. But time shall tell.

So there you have it. Life as I know it has certainly shifted and I am doing my best to stay positive and not dwell on the sadness. What I believed to be the one constant in my life for better or worse is now no longer and I just need to refocus and reclaim my life.

Apparently that all starts with cooking. My father would be proud.

Lyrics of the Day

“Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say

One love
One life
When it’s one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don’t care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it’s

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We’re one, but we’re not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it’s all I got
We’re one
But we’re not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can’t be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we’re not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One
One”

One, U2

Lyrics of the Day

“If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don’t even think about me

If you love somebody, set them free

If it’s a mirror you want, just look into my eyes
Or a whipping boy, someone to despise
Or a prisoner in the dark
Tied up in chains you just can’t see
Or a beast in a gilded cage
That’s all some people ever want to be

If you love somebody, set them free

You can’t control an independent heart
Can’t tear the one you love apart
Forever conditioned to believe that we can’t live
We can’t live here and be happy with less
So many riches, so many souls
Everything we see we want to possess

If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don’t even think about me

If you love somebody, set them free”

If You Love Somebody Set Them Free, Sting

Lyrics of the Day

“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it’s a steel knife in my windpipe
I can’t breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it’s like I’m in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It’s like I’m huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I’m about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
“I’m leaving you”
No you ain’t. Come back we’re running right back.
Here we go again
It’s so insane cause when it’s going good, it’s going great
I’m Superman with the wind at his back, she’s Lois Lane
But when it’s bad it’s awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who’s that dude? I don’t even know his name
I laid hands on her, I’ll never stoop so low again
I guess I don’t know my own strength

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you’re with ‘em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit ‘em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills you used to get ‘em
Now you’re getting fucking sick of looking at ‘em
You swore you’d never hit ‘em; never do nothing to hurt ‘em
Now you’re in each other’s face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other’s hair, scratch, claw, hit ‘em
Throw ‘em down, pin ‘em
So lost in the moments when you’re in them
It’s the rage that took over it controls you both
So they say you’re best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don’t know you ’cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it’s a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don’t get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that’s why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lieNow I know we said things, did things that we didn’t mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper’s just as bad as mine is
You’re the same as me
But when it comes to love you’re just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn’t you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems
Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I’m pissed, I’ll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won’t be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I’m tired of the games I just want her back
I know I’m a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im’a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie”

Love the Way You Lie, Eminem

Lots of Changes Old Max, Lots of Changes

Apparently, the man (or woman) upstairs has decided it’s time for my life to encounter some changes. Some big, some small, all a bit overhwelming, and all completely unexpected.

Let’s start with the good news and the biggest change – I got a new job! A fancy new job. A job on Madison Avenue working with one of my heros – an award winning writer and all around amazing human being. Sadly, I can’t (and won’t) disclose his name here on the blog for confidentiality reasons, but it’s a huge opportunity for me and opens up endless possibilities for my future, so I’m excited. And terrified. And really excited.

The other big change and slightly stressful news – we got a dog. Actually, we got my old, adorable dog who has been with a family friend for a while now and didn’t adjust well to the latest addition to their family – an attention stealing baby. So he needs a new home so he’s come back to mine. It’s a wonderful thing and a stressful event all the same. He’s already emotionally upset about the changes with his old family and now he has to adjust to my new family, which includes two cats. So we’re a bit stressed. Excited to have him back, but also, “holy Jesus wasn’t planning to add a new member to the family” kinda stressed. All of a sudden we have a new mouth to feed, walks to schedule, time at home to coordinate so he doesn’t get lonely…I’m exhausted already and it’s only been three days. I suppose this is good preparation for when a real baby comes. Sometimes the best additions to the family aren’t the ones you plan. Here’s a pic of our latest addition:

too much cuteness!

The other big stress and forthcoming change we’re dealing with now is the reality that we now absolutely have to move. Our perfect little apartment is now just too damn small with the addition of a dog. It’s also slowly falling apart and  has been for awhile. We were willing to put up with it for another year to avoid the expense of moving, but now with 3 animals and two people, a move is in our near future. Or as soon as we can save up the money. We’ll be staying in Brooklyn and the surrounding amazing neighborhoods we’ve come to know and love, but we need more space, ideally outdoor space if possible or something at the very least walking distance to a park.

Moving would be a fairly routine life change for us (we haven’t been in the same apartment for more than two years in the past decade) except for the dreaded broker fee. While we would rather not use a broker and will do everything in our power to avoid it, the reality is that the best apartments with the most space for the most realistic price are through brokers in our neighborhood. There’s always that rare gem that you could stumble upon through Craigslist or Padmapper offered by an owner who hates brokers as much as you do, but based on searches lately, we need to budget for a broker fee, and that’s gonna take some time.

And here’s one thing for sure, if I’m going to pay a broker fee, that broker is going to earn their fee. I am going to make them WORK. You are not getting 12% of my annual rent just so you can show me around for one day to a few units. I want to see ALL the apartments in ALL the neighborhoods. I want to see backyard spaces, patios, dishwashers, laundry units, upstairs, downstairs, and everything in between. If I am paying you, you are going  to find me exactly what I’m looking for.

I’m obviously very upset about this change, so who better to take it out on than the broker? I mean, really.

So there you have it. Fabulous job (yay change!), new pet (fuck, okay, yay change!) and moving…AGAIN (panic button! panic button! where’s all the money?! Yay change?).

Once the dust settles in the coming months these changes will be nothing but positive. But right now, I’m a bit overwhelmed. But at least I’m not bored, right? That being said, this little girl needs some normalcy back in her life. Let’s pray things level out sooner rather than later.

Conversations in a Marriage

Husband: “Life is good, I’ve got a drink, there’s good TV, I’ve been wifed.”

Me: “Wait, what? Wifed? Am I a verb now?”

Husband: “Yes, officially. I have decided and I’m in charge.”

Me: “And what does to wife mean?”

Husband: “To have been made happy.”

Me: “Awwww…you’re sweet. I was kinda hoping it would mean something a bit naughtier. I’m almost offended that it doesn’t .”

Husband: “It means that too.”

Me: “Then I approve. Wanna go get wifed?”

Husband: “God, I love you.”

And SCENE.

Oh, the joys of marriage.